Truth.
The truth will set you free.
I love her, more than anything and I won’t lie, we’ve had our good times, but over the course of our relationship, it started to dwindle. Small things.
Cut me off from my friends, my family, ex’s that I was cool with.
Wanted to control my finances.
My school suffered.
She got drunk about a month ago and told me I should go cut myself. (I use to battle self harm for 7 years) Stupid of me but I forgave her and moved on.
Three weeks ago she was drunk again and told me to get the fuck out of her life and shoved me into the bed. She doesn’t remember this. Nor does she remember the last.
She apologized again. Kissed my tears and we “made up”.
Last Saturday we were at a concert, she again got drunk and flirted with girls in front of me. I brushed it off like I always do. Than she persisted to fight and argue. I was explaining my feelings and she told me that she didn’t want to fight, just “fuck me”.
Do you really love me? Or is it lust.
We were driving to a friends house after the concert and she yelled and screamed at me telling me I have nothing to cry about and that I’m exactly like all the rest of her relationships.
I bite my tongue.
We get to the house and long story short all of us including our friends get drunk and we all kind of fool around, not sex but other stuff. She basically “wakes up” from her drunkness, gets to her car and leaves me at the house. An hour away from our house.
I cry.
I call a friend to take me back home. They do.
I get home. Open the door. Go to the room and wake her up. She goes to the recliner in the living room and I tell her why would she leave me stranded if she loved me, I asked her why she compares me to her ex’s when I have done so much for her. I cook for her, clean for her, am faithful to her, love her, show her I love her. I never forget an anniversary or anything. I’m SO good to this girl.
She jumps up, grabs me by the throat and jolts forward, with me walking backwards, our roommate sees what happens and jumps in front of me to take my gfs hand off my throat.
I break down. Did that just happen? The girl that I love, did she just do that?
She leaves. I run after her, crawling on my knees begging her to stay.
And now, at this moment, she’s telling me I basically had it coming. That because of the night before, because a guy fingered her, I had it coming because I made her angry.
I’ve tried. And yet, I still continue trying. I want her more than anything. But why do I feel so scared and alone?
RIP
Why do I let this bother be so much? I didn’t even know them. I don’t even know her. But somehow when I found out about the car accident, I knew it wasn’t going to be good. My heart still sinks and this happened last Tuesday morning. Maybe reading her old tweets bothers me a little too much. Or maybe it’s seeing all of the people she left behind and how they are struggling too. I’m not sure. Death is hard. Especially when they are young. Which she was. 15. Barely beginning her life. Doesn’t make sense. All in all, this little girl is having a big impact on me..and she will never truly know. RIP babygirl, you’re in a good place now, and for what it’s worth, thank you Shea 💜 .
You’re beautiful. Never think differently.
Anonymous asked: baby your pretty id like to your more personally :)
Well then come off anon and we can talk :)
Anonymous asked: you're so gorgeous, pretty, beautiful, and i love your blog :)
Awh thank you! you should have come off anon and we’ll chat it up :) That’s so sweet of you!
